What is thing, this thing you call a contact mic?
(well it goes like this)
It's simple. A funny little brass disc called a "piezoelectric transducer" is affixed to a standard 1/4" jack. You then plug 'er into a guitar amp, mixer, or recorder, and voila, it's a microphone! Not a standard mic by any stretch, piezo/contact microphones are designed to pick up physical vibration (vs airborne sound waves that a regular condenser mic would receive), allowing you to amplify anything that emits even the slightest pulse. In turn, acoustic instruments, metal objects, wire fences, junk, cat purrs, tea kettles, balloons, tree branches, one's own body... all of these are just the tip of the iceberg as to what a contact microphone can pick up. Whether you love to dabble in weird sound experiments or simply want a cheap, solid mic to hook up to your mandolin or guitar, a contact mic can open up a whole panoply of sounds!
And wouldn't you know? I've been making 'em for years! I've done the "hard part" for you (hee hee) by field testing these mics through countless tours and shows, subjecting them to probably the most abusive circumstances (and audiences). As a result, I'm half-deaf, but possess the secret alchemy as to how a good contact microphone should work. In addition, I only use the best piezoelectric elements possible: made right here in the USA, designed to my specifications, and tough as nails. Here are a few of the designs that I have currently available for purchase:
-The Classic Contact Mic ($20)
As basic and easy as it gets. The Classic features a piezoelectric disc attached to a standard male 1/4" guitar jack, with a cable running approximately one yard in length. I put a bit of silicon goo on the mic itself to ensure a sturdy fix to the cable; just the right amount to keep it strong, yet frisky sounding!
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-Plug Ugly ($20)
Need something sturdier? Want a longer cable? Addressing both issues, the PU has a female 1/4" jack, allowing one to not only use ANY length of cable, but also have a mic that can withstand the demands of touring, or just being a klutz. Lots o' silicon glop is fastened to the mic & jack, creating a Sherman tank of a microphone! Cable not included.
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-Crank-in-a-Box ($22)
Well? By no means a traditional mic (or a contact mic for that matter), the "box" is actually an instrument! In fact, one could describe it as an electric maraca... or... by adding a few effects and high volume, it can transform into a device that belts out delicious walls of noise. Shaking not included!
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-Town & Mouth Report ($10)
This here is a raw little number... it's not a contact mic, but our version of a vocal mic! Affixing a weird lil' speaker to a 1/4" female jack, the T & M Report shrieks, wails, and howls right alongside with you! Plug it into big nasty FX for �ber-vox, run it clean to sound like a lo-fi circus barker, OR even use it as a micro speaker! Cable not included.
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-Throat MacGulliver ($10)
For an even raspier vocal mic, strap this one to your gullet! MacGulliver rests perfectly along your esophagus for all your deep-seated throatings and musings. Super-crude, this mic works great with noise FX, as well as running direct into your amp. Cable not included.
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-il Crudo ($NA)
Discontinued. If anyone has had problems with this mic, please get in touch.
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-Squawk-a-doodle ($?)
This current item is undergoing a new transformation which shall be revealed in a few weeks. In the meantime, witness the magic!
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-Magnificent Object ($pecial Price!)
For an additional palette to yer sonic canvas, we proudly introduce the Magnificent Object! Operating with a "readymade" philosophy, this mic is housed in an old plastic film cartridge, which much to our delight, acts as a funky little resonator box. By adding cool wobbly stuff (like springs or plinky objects), the Magnificent Object transforms into a remarkable little all-in-one instrument. Wedge it under guitar strings, use it as a scrubber, attach it to metal strapping, add rubber bands... oui, c'est magnifique! Watch Crank put this into action! Beard not included.
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How do you get one? Why it's a simple currency exchange... shoot me an email first, and we'll get the ball rolling. I accept Paypal, money orders, and personal checks. The prices listed INCLUDE shipping within the USA; all other orders require a few extra bucks for overseas transit and various associated money-goblins. Do get in touch! If you're really nice, I'll plop a freebie CD or cassette in with the order!
Happy noises!
Email me at:
angsturgeon at yahoo dot com
